Part one: Dateline, Sydney, Australia, November 2005.
In a gripping penalty shootout after scores were equal after 90 minutes, the Australian Socceroos tonight qualified for the FIFA World Cup competition in Germany, 2006.
In further news, Russian Billionaire Roman Abramovich has bought the team, and next year the Socceroos will be known as Chelsea FC'B'. It is believed that this is the first time in history that a Chelsea side has qualified for the World Cup finals, Soccer's greatest prize.
One confident NetBet punter has already wagered $100,000 on Chelsea FC winning the Premier League,FA Cup,UEFA Champions League and World Cup quadruple. This has never been done before in the history of FIFA competition.
The win, and the subsequent news of the purchase, has already been soured by rumour and innuendo. Amid accusations of Insider Trading and prior knowledge, sources close to Abramovich reveal that the purchase was negotiated prior to the historic win, at a pre-qualification price of $49-99, more than all the overseas employees of team sponsor Nike earned in the last financial year, put together.
Toulouse De Ball, a French representative from the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, was later heard to protest that Chelsea FC being in the finals competition would reduce France's chances of repeating their popular victory in 1998, citing confusion, resulting from a conflict of interest, and a drain on French players. He was silenced when a particularly loud post-match firework exploded, and was last seen hiding under the victory dais waving a white flag.
Three of the Socceroos side were unable to revel in their historic victory, as bail arrangements were strictly enforced, and extra time meant that their evening release terms were exceeded. Despite protests, and amid a hail of beer cans and bottles, some of which were only half empty, the three were taken back into custody to face charges resulting from the anti-terrorist raids in Sydney last week. If found guilty, it is feared that the three stars would have to start from the bench in the 2006 matches.
Standout Australian star substitute Harry Kewell was heard to exclaim after the unprecedented victory, "Cor Blimey, guv, Ee Oop, it makes masen reet proud to be an Ossie, reet now, like, Where's me Boddingtons? "
Part two: Dateline, Sydney, Australia, December 2005. "THE DRAW"
The show was sensational... The Germans produced a show worthy of MTV proportions, with Heidi Klum.. Magic, Illusion, impeccable production... but more importantly, the great Franz Beckenbauer, hero of World Cup competition at player, captain, and coach level. Australian Team management, looking as out of place as someone who has turned up to a Black Tie party in fancy dress, were heard to exclaim "if this is what the selections are like, imagine what the competition will be like next year..... *giggles* "
The Socceroos' initial delight at qualifying for the World Cup competition was today buoyed by the news that they will face the might of defending champions Brazil, and the grit of Croatia in the first round of competition in 2006.
As at least half of the Socceroos players are Croatian, language should be no barrier to sledging and insults, and no hindrance during hospital admission processes.
Brazilian team management were reported to be "very happy to be playing a team of the quality of Australia" in the first stage of competition.
Smug bastards.
In further news, Russian Billionaire Roman Abramovich who purchased the Socceroos team shortly before the stunning qualification for the finals, has sold Chelsea FC 'B' at a bargain basement price to a consortium of London quality hotel, pub and tavern owners, spearheaded by Glen Hoddle, Martin Chivers and Terry Venables.
In breaking news, It is believed that this will be the first time that Tottenham Hotspur have qualified for the World Cup Finals.
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