CHAT presents .......

the QUEST FOR THE LOST BOOBIES

...........

It was a cold rainy afternoon. I was sitting at my desk, checkin out the center pages of the last Penthouse issue when my secretary jumped suddenly in my office leaving me all embaressed, sayin there was a new client waiting to b received.

Me and my partner Pretzy have a detective's office of name PRIVATE PARTS with an office in a very cheesy part on the city of London. It was a small office, no big deal, we werent very strong on the business but we were known in the sub-world for the effectiveness we had in solving misteries and digging for info that none else could find. We were specialized in very tricky deals. One of the reasons of our small sucess was our secretary of name Midgy, that besides her professional duties we managed to fill in her contract the obligation of wearing weekly a diferent uniform outfit. This week's turn for the nurse... Which i might add, it kind lightens things in the officee muhhehe muhhehe muhehhe*pervy laugh* nice idea huh?:P Yea shes effective but ofcourse we cant let her know that ......right? well ....

I asked her if my partner Pretzy couldnt receive her instead cus i was erm.... sort of... busy :\ ... but seems that he had went out for some sort of investigation .. even that we werent with none on the moment :S. Well under such circunstances i asked Midgy to let this person enter.
i tryed to compose myself, checkin if the zipper was closed in a quick move and a woman of sweet look enters the room and sits on the chair in front of my desk.


( it continues by someone else)

pulling down the tiny skirt of the nurses uniform so that it covers my ever widening @ss i put all phones to silent and listen in on the conversation quietly.
As this young lady starts to spill the beans on what she wants the 2 most brilliant and pervy detectives i know (well not that i know many) on what she wants to hire them to do i find it hard to control the belly full of laughter that broils in me.
This poor young lass it seems has lost her boobies and wants to hire dk and pretzy to help her find them once again. oooooooooh dear the tears of laughter spill from my eyes i mean seriously these guys have had some weird cases, but ohboy this has gotta take the cake. though i do admit it does come close to the time they had to fly to new zealand to find out who had stolen Mr Blanks sheep from transit between australia and New Zealand, oh and the case of Mr Falcores bubbles in the bath ewwwwwwww what a stench they came back with it took me weeks of air freshner and deodoriser to rid the office of that smell.
I cant control it anymore and reach speedily for the phone pretending to be in conversation with my best friend as the laughter spills over and out uncontrollably. I hear dk walk to his office door and catch a glimpse of his glare as he closes the door i wonder to myself if i should disturb him and tell him that he has some of his lush pubic hair sticking out of his zipper. NAAAAAh that wouldnt b much fun would it, plus he deserves to cop a little revenge for making me wear a different uniform every week i work and for taking delivery of his never ending subscriptions to pron magazines.
As pretzy enters the office i hang up the phone and notice the smugg grin on his face. "any breakthroughs?" i ask knowing full well we didnt have any cases going at the moment and that he had probably run off down to the strip club on the corner where Miss Rachael works.
" hmmmmmm well yes i did find out something new i didnt know before" he replies with a wink. Before he enters his office i tell him about the new client in with dk and her case. I see he finds it hard to hold back the big grin that has visited his face it makes me wonder whether hes actually smiling from having a case or if its just that the case is about his most favourite topic in the world Boobies.
Before he enters dks room to gather more stats on the case out fly my work orders, contact any of our snitchs and see if any boobies have turned up in any of their whore houses or strip clubs, boobies that have gotten bigger overnight or shouldnt b there.
I get to work straight away and start phoning around the gay clubs,,,,, well hey if there r any boobies that have 2 turn up you never know.......

I was questioning Miss Shaker bout all the circunstances of the disapering of her 2 rounded breasts when my partner Pretzy enters my office with whats been a lately grin smile. That face showed it all. He went to that damn stripclub again the *******!! A guy here stuck in the office running business and he perving around....

Well i presented our client to my partner, and explained the case that we were being hired to investigate. Seems that the boobies had mysteriously vanished. Miss Shaker was clueless how they disapeared.
I did my duties to ask her the same usual questions; when she saw them last and where; when was the last time she used them and in what situation; who had been the last persons to see them,etc, etc.. but we werent given with much information to start from.

My partner suddenly over our client's shoulder started winkin 2 me still baring the damn grin smile. He has no shame really! we here questioning a client and he tryin to brag for sure all his moves to that striper that has been polishing his head lately!! This is so low professional, and now starts pointing to my crotch .. what the hell???? That striper is really messing with his head...

Well the questioning keeps goin and in the end seems we have to start almost from scratch since the only relevant clue we have is that miss Shaker has a slight idea that she last remembers having her breasts when she went to the shoppingmall and was runned over by a oldman riding a old-person vehicle. My eyes meet my partner's then finnaly left the grin smile escape and we were sure that was surelly a good point to start from. That old git could've been some perv indisguised for sure.

There was not much left to do so we ended the meeting and politely attended miss Shaker while she left our office. Passing by my partner that had stayed behind on porpose he whispers to me between lips '' u got ur pubs showin off stupid!! '' which takes me tottaly by surprise.

So .......... that was what he was winkin about!! :->

( lol ok whos next ? )

Dk and pretzy started thinking hard. I mean REAL hard. Well they WERE at a strip club that night as well. All they could think about was finding Shaker's lost boobs, which they had agreed must be very voluptuous and the two of them were excited! Suddenly, a beautiful young stripper named Karen slid by them and slyly put something into pretzy's pocket. Playing it cool, as she slinked away, pretzy reached in and brought forth a small piece of paper that said, "Meet me in the lap dance room after the show. Signed, xXx-Karen-xXx." Thinking he had gotten a most personal invitation for a free show, pretzy jumped up and down and caused quite a ruckus. This did not go unnoticed, as a man sitting deep in the dark shadows in the back of the room was now watching. It was the conman Falcore, and his accomplice Cyrus-da-Virus, a renowned computer hacker. He had seen Karen walk by, and was now VERY interested into what these two men might be doing at HIS strip joint. The last girl got done dancing, and Pretzy reluctantly let Dk join him as they made their way to the personal lap dance room. Unfortunatly, the moment they entered, they could tell something was amiss, as Karen's face was troubled and she urgently began telling them....

go on then guys

"i have something stuck in my teeth"... Falcore sitting in the dark corner, rolling a penny across his fingers (becuase he saw that in a film once, and he thought it made him look suspicious) stared at the conversation ensuing through the open door, his arts in lip reading were fabulous, or atleast thats what he told everyone, he figured if he said that more women would find him mysterious, his eyes became fixated on a semetrical shape, a form that seemed to show great interest to him, he began to look up and down at this shape, and raised an eyebrow.. suddenly he stopped rolling the penny over his fingers, stopped staring at Karens ass, and ordered a drink.. His custom was well known in the club, so much so that the people there had a.. understanding... that it was best to serve Falcore at his table.. he liked to think that was because he was an image of fear and respect amoungst the folk, but in reality no-one liked hmi coming to the bar becuase he would start talking about stargate..

he walked over to the..

While FaLcore was in the rest rooms chuffing away, pretzy comes up with the idea of forming a line-up so Shaker can see if Miss Rachael or xxx_Karen_xxx or any of the other strippers has Shakers boobies.

After rounding up all the girls and taking them down to the line-up room attached to our office, where Shaker waits with DK and the video camera, the strippers proudly display their assets for our perusal.

Shaker walks up and down the line, stopping for a closer look, and ocassionally to poke and feel the boobies on show (damn she seems to be taking a long time with this, i dont know why)

Shaker was very thorough with her inspection, several times even checking out one of the strippers asses, just to make sure they werent hiding her boobies there perhaps.

On one of these occasions, when Shaker was bending over inspecting Miss Rachaels ass, pretzy's keen eye detected the presence of pole dancing marks on Shakers thighs, a dead giveaway that she was in fact herself a stripper What implications this could have for the case remained to be seen..

Pretzy tried to catch DK's eye and see if he noticed, but DK was intent with the video camera, and pretzy wasnt sure if he noticed the pole dancing marks or not, he made a mental note to mention it to DK later in private when they were comparing notes and reviewing the film over a few beers with their mates.

After an hour or so, Shaker reluctantly informs us that none of the displayed boobies look like her missing ones, but she has arranged some time with a couple of the strippers for a closer private inspection at a later date just to make sure. (notably xxx_Karen_xxx and Miss Rachael, who smiles and gives pretzy a wink when Shaker isnt watching, pretzy makes a note to interview Miss Rachael in private at her room later)

Meanwhile, FaLcore has realized he is all alone in the rest room at the club, and hiding in the potted palms at the back of the room is an very frisky male albino gorilla which seems to be very fond of him, its either very pleased to see FaLcore or it has a gun in its pocket, so he ........

quickly calls in his right hand henchman which also happens to be the keeper of all his bananas and together they entice the gorilla to come smoke some weed with them until he finally falls asleep.
he does a quick inspection of the club and finds that the 2 suspicious looking guys who attracted karens attention have dissapeared along with most of their sexiest girls, damn he thinx, i wont make much money with that damn pica up there on stage with his fake boobie bra, might be time to get some extra casuals for standbys. falcore gets excited by this idea the fun and enjoyment of all those auditions by gorgeous girls with nice boobies and sex@y @sses wooooooooo. he grabs a glass of water as he passes by the bar and tips it on cys head laughing to himself he feels cooled down and much calmer.
falcore pulls cy aside to find out where all the girls have gone alas cy is so intocicated by the movement of picas sex@Y @ss on stage that he has no idea. falcore throws his arms in the air and retreats to his office where he hopes a few calls may reveal the names of the 2 suspicious looking men and hopefully the where abouts of his sex@y strippers.

meanwhile back at the office ive been making calls all afternoon with not too many leads how the hell am i really supposed to track down a set of boobies sheeeeesh! i place a call to my best friend aussie who is one of the wisest ppl i know to whinge and whine about the dillemma im faced with, also to get sum ideas on how to keep this damn nurses uniform from riding up over my @ss all the time. i end the call as i hear voices coming up the stairwell i grab my mace spray and wait under my desk. i jump up and out as pretzy and dk enter the room ready to fire. i cant believe my eyes as they have an entourage of strippers following them. ooooooh boy i feel that is my cue to dissapear i want nothing of the scenes that i feel are going to be taking place later. i help dk set up the video camera and as im about to leave he asks me to postpone his pron subscriptions for the next week as he will be rather occupied with the case.
i gather up all my notes and walk wearily to my car i have already a list aslong as my arm for places to follow up tomorrow. as i approach my car i see a note on the windscreen hmmmmmmm i grab it thinking it must just be some crappy advertisement put there by a damn junk mail deliverer however i grab the paper and begin to read. STAY AWAY FROM THIS CASE, THE BOOBS ARE MINE ALL MINE AND YOU WILL NEVER GET THE BACK. i race back into the office dreading the scene that may await me, luckily they are just finishing up the line up. i show both dk and pretzy the paper and notice a letter head stamp on top of the paper. MISS MUNCHKIN
STAR CRAZED STRIPPER CLUB LONDON it reads...................

a woman in a black catsuit hunting through the chief's desk. The woman looks up in surprise and lunges at peeka. She grabs a coat rack she see's in the corner and beats peek over the head numerous times until he's unconscience. She then searches his person for anything of value. Condoms,**** ring, baggie of weed, a picture of his girls, a piece of paper saying "for a good time, call cyrus-da-virus 555-6969." And finally, something that may be of use an invitation to the plastic boob society! She sticks it in her bra (the catsuit doesn't have pockets..so annoying!) and heads back to the desk. She finds lots of strange things..pictures of naked old ladies..*vomit* an add for viagra and penis englargment. And a picture of a gorgeous woman who no boobs. aha! a victim of brest theift? I think so. I quickly shove the picture down my bra as I hear noises and jump out on the fire escape.
I hear my cellphone ring buzzing and answer it "I think we've got something boss" on the opposite line I hear in a creepy voice "good..very good.."

I notice there is a shifty looking man in the parking lot below..I start to run when...