My First Day

tigernate2 · Super Spammer Joined: Jan 07, 2005 Posts: 1254

Why is it that I let myself be unhappy. I strive for that which I cannot reach. Is that the fate of man? To constantly be reaching for something more. Sometimes we can push ourselves too hard, too fast, not taking the time to stop and enjoy the world around us. Being back here has given life to old long forgotten memories. Of times long gone, of friends both lost to me and those lost to this world. It's like I stepped away for twelve years, but this place is the same as I left it. I just aged while it didn't. I feel out of place, like a stranger in a strange land. As if I woke up one morning and was different than everyone else. I remember the last time I was here, my vision wasn't the same. I saw through different eyes. Eyes which hadn't seen what I now have.

I am not sorry that I am here seeing these things again for the first time. This is something I needed to do, to correct a mistake twelve years old. I was weak then, not strong enough to believe in myself. When pressure came I folded and ran to what I knew. I have since had to learn what it means to be a man. Honestly I am still learning everyday, but I have taken strength from those around me. Strength I can use to drag my heart through the rough times when I need to push ahead past the obstacles of life.

My first class was today. It is World Geography. I sat and wondered as the professor talked about the syllabus, of how each and everyone of you is affected differently by your environment and how I don't know much about how it affects you. The classroom is the same one I took psychology 101 in over thirteen years ago. Seeing all the young students in the class, I felt a little old. Must they be thinking what I was long ago? Hopefully they handle the stress better than I did back then.

It rained on me this morn. A light rain, just a bit chilly, but I walked outside without looking and so was caught wearing my khakis and a short sleeve shirt. I ran to class not wanting to be late the first day. After class, deciding to get a jacket or umbrella at the bookstore, I proceeded to shop around. The jackets were $50, while the umbrellas were $20, so I got an umbrella â€“ cheap skate that I am. Well upon exiting the store it was still sprinkling. I walked around campus with my new big umbrella, a nice shade of blue I must say. When I noticed a young girl using a walker and making slow progress through the quad. She was getting a little wet, so being the gentleman I hope to be, I held my umbrella over her head till she made cover, then was on my merry way. The best use of an umbrella I could ever think of.

Those are the things that bring a smile to my face. Somehow I don't think I should be an engineer. I don't get much satisfaction from it. It is just math and science to me, there is little in there for me to smile about. The only time recently when I feel really good is when people around me smile. Maybe that is wrong of me to want them to smile, surely it is their own choice not mine. Maybe I am still living my life through the smiles of other people. I cannot say. I just know that there are times when I cannot eat. Food just doesn't taste the same as it did when I was happy. I don't like the feeling in me so I try to help get rid of unhappiness in others. I am not a psychologist. I cannot say why I do this, maybe to make up for something lacking in my life. Maybe I just like people and want them to be happy.

Well that was my first day of classes. A scatter shot of what I think and possibly why. Take care of yourselves. Maybe I can be a writer and an engineer. Sure would be easier on my pocket book and my mind.

Nate

Aussie_Woman · Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 3:35 am Post subject: Re: My First Day

Reading this brought a smile to my face Nate Rất hạnh phúc

What a wonderful, thoughtful deed u did with aiding the girl by sharing ur umbrella. This is not just ur wanting to see ppl smile. This is because u have a beautiful heart and that alone makes me smile. If everyone shared the feelings you have of kindness, thoughtfulness and caring. What a wonderful world we would live in. Cừơi

I'm glad you had a good first day. I hope you keep having them. Reflection of our past is an amazing adventure which either leads us to correct the times we look back on and learn from what we have done and seen. I guess I do that everyday in my parenting and at times I see my mum in myself than I pull myself up and correct it. I just thank god that I don't follow my fathers parenting skills cos he never had any. That in it'self is another story.
Every night, I get to spend an hour with Sarah (my eldest). In that hour we go for a walk and talk about almost everything, from her day at school, her fear of failing her last year at high school, her friends and her concerns for her younger sister. Last night in particular, Sarah was trying to brighten me up (make me smile) I have been through yet another week of dramas which is slowly draining me and it's hard to look on the bright side. These drama's seem to be piling up and getting to the point where I am confused and not knowing which one to tackle first. Sarah being very wise for her age gave me a lecture on being happy. A beautiful thought but I couldn't see past it. The words she chose were simple."Mum, there will always be times when we have bad days or days that challenge us. What I do when I have a bad day or I feel sad is think of something that makes me happy and I smile" She than proceeded to ask me to think of something happy followed by.... "c'mon mum that's not hard, I know Mick makes u happy" and there it was. What she wanted, she got.... a smile from mum. Well by the end of our walk we were both laughing. That in it's self is happiness. What makes me smile even more is knowing that what guidance, love and care I have put into Sarah, she has equally given back to me.
Thanks Nate for sharing your first day. This has certainly made me think and appreciate that no matter how bad things seem, there is always a solution if not a smile on someones face to brighten your day.

Deb Rất hạnh phúc